How many times have you done something for someone else simply for external validation? You know, people pleasing. You really don't want to do it but you do it anyway. I am referring to situations where we had a real say in whether we did something and we failed to consider our own feelings first.
I'm Jen, the former queen of people pleasing. For as long as I can remember, I have done for others without hesitation. I truly thought by doing for others, without question, I was being a good person. During a time when I was suffering from anxiety, however, I was hit on the head by a dose of reality. I realized I was spinning so many plates, that I was doing more damage to myself than good.
Don't get me wrong, its wonderful to help others, but as long as its on your terms. Let me give you an example.
Five people come to you and ask you to do something for them and it all needs to be done by this week. Former Jen would have said of course I can help without another thought. Current Jen, however, would take each task and evaluate them by asking the following questions:
1. Is the item Time consuming or Time sensitive? Based on the other plates you are spinning, do you have Time to add this plate?
2. Do you Enjoy what is being asked of you? If by chance you don't Enjoy your work, that is another issue for another blog, but still no less important. Maybe this is your chance to begin reevaluating your career.
3. Is it Required? What I mean here, is if its something you have been hired to do or must do even if you don't enjoy it.
4. Is it Meaningful? Is the outcome of what you are doing rewarding?
Based on your answers to the above questions, you can decide which plates you spin and which you do not. It really can be quite simple to either push something off until later or say no in a respectable manner. I am not asking you to make enemies, but instead to look out for you before you look out for others. If you do this, you will notice that your attention towards others will be much more authentic, high-quality, and rewarding. Lastly, you will be helping others on your terms.
I will be holding a workshop surrounding this topic in September and will delve further into the steps mentioned above. See my website at https://happinessawakening.com and Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/jendiehl1111 for more information coming soon.